we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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