He told me they were just razor bumps!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
