last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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