You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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