no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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