Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
