I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
