i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
