I wannas sexs uuuuu
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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