Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
