We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
