making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
