I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We are all done wearing pants today
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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