Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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