His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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