Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
