I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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