I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
