You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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