Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
