Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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