I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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