I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
