It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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