i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
