I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
