Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
