if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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