It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
