Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
