Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
