i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
