jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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