He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
