I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
