i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
