does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
