so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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