Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
