Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
