I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
