He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
