his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
