I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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