The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Randomize
