you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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