I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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