My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
