he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You've changed since you got that strap on
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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