if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
