Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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