I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
