i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I got inside last night via doggy door
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
