I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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